Introduction

Even though I was born and raised Catholic, my relationship with faith has been messy and complicated for a long time. In fact, I quietly stepped away from the Catholic Church in high school, even though I continued to study the Catholic Church Catechism as part of my education and was heavily involved in my high school’s campus ministry. In contrast, I would now consider myself a Catholic once again. So, how did this stark switch happen? This homecoming to my religion did not happen in one bright, brilliant lightning strike but in small, perfect miracles. These little breadcrumbs eventually led me back to the Church, even if I was a little resistant at first. Today, I want to share those breadcrumbs with you in hopes that it gives you insight into my faith journey as someone who turned away from God and turned back after a while.

This blog post is extremely vulnerable. I am not someone who usually talks very candidly about my faith or religion outside of my intimate circle of friends and family. Through this post, I hope that I can reveal a new side of myself to all of you and begin to open up more about my spiritual life. 

Meeting Sister Mary Grace

While some of the other moments in this journey were much more grand or emotionally charged, this one is a little simpler and quieter. My introduction to Sister Mary Grace happened while I was in middle school, but I did not understand the significance of it until I was older. Sister Mary Grace was the spark that began the wildfire. I interviewed Sister Mary Grace for a school assignment during my first year at Visitation Academy, a school that went on to shape in ways I still struggle to put into words. I had never met a woman who was so filled with faith, grace, and love. Through my conversations with her, I learned that she had graduated from high school and became a Sister of the Visitation a few months later. Sister Mary Grace watched as the number of sisters dwindled throughout the years, but that never stopped her from continuing to spread her warmth and devotion with the young women at Visitation Academy. It was such a joy to pray alongside her at Mass every month or hear stories about the founding of the Visitation whenever she saw me walking in the hallways. She taught me the importance of loving others like Christ did and bringing my full authentic self to my faith life. These are lessons I still carry with me as I step back into my spiritual life. When I graduated from high school, it was so difficult to say goodbye to her because I felt like I was leaving behind my connection to the Catholic Church. Yet, Sister Mary Grace laid the cornerstone that I would build the rest of my faith on during my time in college. 

Trip to Israel & Palestine

If Sister Mary Grace was the spark, my trip to Israel was the kindling. I have written a bit about my trip to Israel and Palestine in a previous blog post, but I only briefly touched on the spiritual aspects. The trip had a mix of Jewish students and non-Jewish students, many of whom were Catholic. On the second day, I ended up striking up a conversation with some girls from the Catholic Student Center at WashU. These girls – Jenny, Kaitlin, and Maeve – were the ones who would spend their meals talking to me about their faith and who would eventually invite me to embrace the Catholic pilgrimage sites they visited fully. We did not have a lot of free time in Israel, yet we were still able to spend an hour or two here visiting essential locations for the Catholic faith. During my time in Israel and Palestine, two locations really stand out to me. First was the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, which is an ancient church that venerates the birthplace of Jesus. Inside the church, there is a subterranean cave underneath the main altar where pilgrims can pray at the exact spot traditionally believed to be the site of Jesus’ birth. I remember crouching into the space and instantly getting goosebumps. Until this point, my relationship with Catholicism had existed in the realm of ideas. It was something I had studied, questioned, and wrestled with intellectually. But here, in this physical space, I was confronted with something much more tangible. For the first time, I could physically connect to a story that was so foundational to my religion. It came alive in this space, and this continued during my visit to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. The Church of the Holy Sepulchre is considered the holiest site in Catholicism, as it was built over the traditional location of Jesus’ crucifixion and his empty tomb. Just inside the entrance to the church, there is the Stone of the Anointing. It is believed to be the slab where Jesus’ body was prepared for burial. It is a location where believers are encouraged to not just see but to encounter God. Pilgrims are encouraged to pray while touching the Stone of the Anointing. As I knelt beside it and rested my hand on the worn surface, I found myself overwhelmed by the same feeling I had experienced in Bethlehem. The stories I had heard and studied since childhood felt within reach for the first time in my life. They had unfolded in real places among real people. I truly thank Jenny, Kaitlin, and Maeve for opening my heart and mind to the holiness in these places in Israel and Palestine because it transformed my experience in those locations and eventually lead me to the Catholic Student Center at WashU. 

Pilgrimage to France

My pilgrimage to France is a true lesson in always reading your email! After coming back from Israel, I slowly but surely began exploring Catholicism again. I mainly did this by myself through studying and praying alone in my bedroom. Looking back, I think that I was nervous about going to Mass by myself and opening up about my faith life with other people. Honestly, I was not very successful, and I continued to struggle with how to properly live as a Catholic. Then, I saw an email from my high school encouraging me to sign up for a pilgrimage to Annecy, France, in order to walk in the path of St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal (the founders of the Visitation monastery) as well as St. Margaret Mary Alacoque (a Visitation nun who was a mystic devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus). I felt a calling to say yes to the trip and quickly put down a deposit before I could second-guess myself. From my time at Visitation Academy, I was very familiar with St. Jane de Chantal and St. Francis de Sales, but I had never heard about St. Margaret Mary Alacoque. Yet, during my time in France, it was her story that stuck with me the most. St. Margaret Mary Alacoque had a very difficult childhood that led to her consecrating herself to the Virgin Mary. She eventually joined the Sisters of the Visitation, where she experienced several apparitions and private revelations from Jesus, especially about the Sacred Heart.  St. Margaret Mary Alacoque’s visions about the Sacred Heart reveal that God has a boundless love for humanity. While I was in Paray-le-Monial, I was able to meet the Sisters of the Visitation, and they allowed me to walk around the gardens where St. Margaret Mary Alacoque had her visions. At a time when I was still trying to figure out what it meant to truly live out my faith, her example was inspiring. She was someone who lived out her religion with so much joy and adoration, even (and especially) when it was difficult. And she lived out her faith in community alongside her sisters. I remember attending Mass for the first time on this pilgrimage for three years and I cried when I received the Eucharist because I was overpowered with love from both God and the other pilgrims with me. I realized that faith is not something that should be locked and hidden behind a bedroom door; it is something that should bring people together and be a celebration. It was these experiences that led me to go back to weekly Mass in St. Louis. 

Becoming a Godmother & Confirmation Sponsor

I have not talked very publicly about the death of my Uncle Pete in March 2026. In fact, only a few friends know about his passing because it has been extremely difficult for me to talk about. He was such an important part of my family as well as my faith life. Uncle Pete was my Confirmation sponsor, and if I am honest, he is the only reason I agreed to be confirmed. I truly believe in God’s perfect timing because only a month after Uncle Pete’s death, I underwent Confirmation again, but in a way I never expected. I became a godmother and Confirmation sponsor to my friend Genevieve. When I was approached by Deacon Jim from WashU’s Catholic Student Center about becoming an OCIA sponsor in November 2025, I had my doubts. However, I felt this inner nudge to say yes. Even though I did not understand it at the time, this decision would bring me a lot of peace during the grieving process. It meant so much to me to be able to pass this gift onto Genevieve by stepping into the role my Uncle Pete once filled for me. I see so much of my Uncle Pete in Genevieve. And, as much as my role was one based in teaching and guiding, I learned so much from Genevieve. Through being her sponsor, I have truly learned what it means to be of gentle spirit. Genevieve has a powerful strength that is rooted in humility, kindness, and compassion. It is so obvious in everything she does that she truly lives out her faith in little and big ways every single day, and it was truly an honor to be a part of her journey to joining the Catholic Church. I strive to approach my faith in the same way Genevieve does, and my Uncle Pete did: with altruism, tenderness, and passion. 

Conclusion

When I started going to the Catholic Student Center at WashU again, the first thing Father Gary (the priest who was a pilgrim with in France) said to me was, “Welcome home.” And that is the word I now use to talk about the Catholic Church: home. This home is made up of some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Within each of these breadcrumbs, it was my friends and spiritual mentors who truly led me back to the Catholic Church after years of a dry faith life. Without their dedication, kindness, and passion, I would not feel confident walking into Mass every Sunday to praise and to learn. This sense of community is what makes me have faith in the Church. The Church is imperfect because it is made up of imperfect people. Yet, I believe that there are enough good people to keep up the core beliefs of the faith and create a welcoming, compassionate, and generous home for everyone. And to anyone who is struggling with their faith or questioning if they should return to the Church, my best advice is that God has a way of always calling you home and our job is to open our eyes, our ears, and our hearts to His Word.

P.S. If you are looking for more posts about Catholicism, I have written about my experience going to Catholic school in one of my past blog posts!