“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree…”

Here is a fun fact about me that you might not know. For a long time, I thought that I was going to be a doctor. Yes, seriously. I wanted to study biology in university, attend medical school, and become an OBYGN. My parents and I even toured colleges that would allow me to graduate from undergraduate and medical school in six years. While I believe that there is a part of me that will always be interested in that world, I came to understand that this future did not align with my highest potential. When I reflect back, it was during the summer of my senior year of high school that this information hit me. However, it took me about five months later to change my intended major on all of my college applications to “English”. Why? If I knew that I did not want to major in Biology, then why did it take me until October to make a decision? It is a little something called “analysis paralysis”. Analysis paralysis has been a long-time companion of mine. It wasn’t really until I was forced to make a decision about what I wanted to major in that I truly learned how to conquer my analysis paralysis. It was this decision that led to my family and me celebrating my admission into my dream university (WashU) with confetti and joy. I want to share with you all today about my journey with analysis paralysis and how you can overcome it too. I encourage you all to take your time with this post and reflect on one big decision in your life that you have been putting off as you read. 

“I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.”

I want to chat a little bit about analysis paralysis in the most English major way possible… by connecting it to a novel! You might have noticed the quotes beginning each section. These quotes are from the famous “fig tree metaphor” from Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. At its heart, this metaphor perfectly describes both what analysis paralysis is and what it feels like to the person experiencing it. First, The Bell Jar follows Esther Greenwood, a nineteen-year-old student as she attends an internship in New York City. While in New York City, she struggles with her anxiety, especially her anxiety about her future. This leads to Esther believing that her future is laid out like a fig tree with the figs on the tree representing her possible futures. She could be a loving wife and doting mother, an editor, a traveler, and even an Olympic champion. The problem lies in Esther’s inability to make a decision. This is analysis paralysis. It is a person’s inability to make a decision because of overthinking. It can feel like there are so many choices so it is impossible to pick the right thing. You feel frozen. You feel isolated. You feel defeated (before you even start). As someone who has frequently experienced analysis paralysis, when I first read this quote, I felt those exact things. As a reader, you find yourself spiraling alongside Esther. You get caught up in the details of Esther’s possible futures and ruminate on what type of future Esther will have. As Esther descends further into her mental illness later in the novel, you wonder if Esther will continue to starve at this fig tree until she dies. 

“From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.”

While it might feel counterintuitive, analysis paralysis is a form of self-protection. Your brain is attempting to think through all possible answers although it can become a dangerous spiral that leads to inaction. It prevents change as humans hate change. Although just because it might be an evolutionary adaption does not mean it benefits us now. It is up to each of us to figure out how to challenge analysis paralysis. I find that having a set deadline aids me in moving past analysis paralysis. For example, if you have a due date on a paper, you feel the pressure to write that paper before then. You have a time set for deciding what you write about and the latest you can turn it in for full credit. I create due dates for myself as well. I aim to have all of my blog posts written about a day before I post them. This forces me to settle on my topic early on and work on the blog post throughout the week. For the question about my major, I told myself that by the time I submitted my first college application, I needed to pick a new major. 

Now that you have your deadline, you can now begin the complicated process of figuring out what you want to do. I like to preserve optionality for as long as I possibly can. This is something that you can do at the very beginning of decision-making or when you first realize you are stuck in analysis paralysis. I suggest that you gather as much information as you can about the decision you are making. I read so many articles about different major programs and what kind of jobs you can have with those degrees. I talked to people in my life who were studying a range of topics from History to Psychology to Chemistry. I also gathered information on myself. I made a list of things that I like to do, what characteristics I want in a future job, and what are my natural talents. I also employ you to not over-research or fall down a rabbit-hole. Once you have all this information, it does you no good to just sit on it. You have to take action. This starts with saying “no”. I did not want to major in Math because I struggled in math lessons in high school and I found no joy in it. Once you have your list cut down, I find it easier to make the final decision. I also recommend reaching out to someone that you love and trust about making hard decisions. I talked with my parents and my best friend Maya for some guidance. They gave me the honest truth and helped me move away from my fear of making a decision. Most of all, I say trust your gut. Your gut is a powerful tool and has been for centuries. Your body usually knows when something is not right before your brain catches up to it. You can usually figure out the best decisions by listening to your inner voice. There have been plenty of times in my life when my gut has led me to the best answer. 

“…beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.”

Remember that you should not be striving for perfection in anything in life, espeically when it comes to making decisions. There is no such thing as the “perfect choice” because life is not perfect and humans are not perfect. If you are always aiming for perfection, you might miss out on other joys, lessons, and opportunities. I have learned that I do not want to live a perfect life because that would be boring (and unrealistic). We should only aim to be our best selves as much as possible, learn how to ask for forgiveness, and understand that we should not hold others to impossible standards either. We like to put pressure on ourselves that is not there. We think that every single decision we make is permanent or life-altering. And most decisions can be changed. People are not stagnant so our choices should not be either. I had about two years into my major to change my mind. And if you get too far in, our world is constantly changing and there are future jobs that do not exist yet. The fig tree is “young” for a reason. Our desires, our passions, and our lives are constantly evolving. Just because you are saying “no” right now does not mean that you cannot say “yes” later on. While some of those figs will die, some figs will always be there as an option. There are figs there that we cannot even imagine yet. So keep an open mind. I did not think that I would be writing a blog post (one of my dream jobs) in London (one of my dream cities) right now four years ago. 

I hope that this blog post helped you a little bit, and I wish you all the best in your future decisions!I know that analysis paralysis can feel daunting although I promise that there is a way out! 

Bibliography

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath